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HealthConnection
Coping with grief this season
By Cassie Brie Bath Community Hospital and Hospice of the Highlands
Traditions are what make the holidays. We re-create the same rituals year after year because it gives us comfort and lasting memories. We gather with family and friends, we make the same meals, sing the same songs, and decorate the tree in the same way. Our family and friends expect this from us and we often expect the same from them.
But for those who have recently lost a loved one, the holidays are difficult and a constant reminder of their loss. It's one of the most emotional periods in the grieving process, and often a time when traditions and family expectations clash.
How does someone who has recently suffered a loss cope with grief while still honoring the traditions once held so dear?
• Know your limits - Family and friends may unintentionally make you feel guilty if you are not able or willing to participate in holiday events. Think about your needs and emotional limits. Some people are comforted by keeping things as close to normal as possible, while others prefer to escape painful memories by doing something completely different. Find the balance that's right for you. Choose to be around only family and friends with whom you feel safe and comfortable. Consider your patience level and how much time you feel you can dedicate to socializing. Maybe you'll want to limit visits to an hour or two, or only participate in church related events. Maybe you'll want to skip the decorating altogether, or simply place a lighted tree on the table. Remember, there is no right answer, and you may be surprised to realize you'll want to do more than you anticipated.
• Take care of yourself -
Avoid overindulging in alcohol, tobacco, caffeine and sweets. Grief takes its toll physically as well as emotionally. Try to avoid further stressing your body by eating nutritious food.º
• Include your loved one. - Your loved ones may not be with you in person this holiday season, but their spirit and memories live with you forever. Don't be afraid to include them in your holiday rituals. Share poignant and humorous stories, bring photographs, light candles in their honor, or make a donation to their favorite charity. By including them in your traditions, you give honor to their memory and help yourself heal.
• Change can be good - Traditions
20, 2007 are important because they offer us comfort in a world that seems ever-changing. However, your traditions may need to be modified to reflect the changes in your life. Maybe someone else will be sitting at the head of the table this year, or the family will meet for a holiday dinner at a different house. Remember, some change can be good and may even help relieve some of the pressure often felt during the holidays.
At some point in life, everyone will experience grief and the many associated challenges, especially during the holidays. By taking time to plan and stay aware of your feelings, you will survive the holiday season, and hopefully find new meaning in them for yourself and your family.
Editor's note: Cassie Brie is a social worker at Bath Community Hospital and Hospice of the Highlands bereavement counselor and volunteer coordinator. She received her bachelors' degree with a double major in social work and psychology from Radford University, an associate's degree as a registered nurse, and master's degree in social work from the University of South Carolina.
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